Check Your Box: Bi-Curious and Other Oddities of the New Sexual Revolution

Check Your Box: Bi-Curious and Other Oddities of the New Sexual Revolution

It used to be pretty easy to check your box.  You were “straight or gay”.  Then “straight, gay or lesbian”.  Add in Bisexual and Transgender and now we have LGBT.  Then the string of letters got longer, and longer, and longer.

For some, the “catch all” term is Queer.  Back in the 1980’s this term was a slur and used in a derogatory way.  Fortunately, today it is embraced and used with pride by those who choose not to “box themselves in”.

Nowadays, there are so many new “boxes” to check for gender, sexual orientation and relationship orientation.  Consequently, it’s hard to keep up with them all.  Many people are wanting to fit themselves into ever smaller definitions of sexual or relationship orientations, preferences, curiosities and descriptions. 

This is only helpful when you know what they all are.  Therefore, here is my attempt to put them all into one place so you can keep this as a “handy reference” the next time you need to check your box.

So let’s give this Queer Alphabet Soup a stir and see what we come up with!  I have categorized the labels to make it easier for reference.

Check Your Box: Gender

Cis:  Identifies with the gender assigned at birth

Trans:  Identifies with a gender different that assigned at birth

Non-binary / GenderQueer / GenderFluid:  Does not identify with a specific gender

Check Your Box: Sexual Orientation

Asexual:  not attracted to any gender, sexually.  May be attracted to any gender emotionally

Bi-curious/Exploring:  unsure of attraction to same gender, open to exploring (usually sexually at first)

Bisexual:  attracted emotionally and sexually to both male and female, usually cis-gendered

Demisexual: a person who ONLY experiences sexual attraction when they create a strong emotional connection with another (considered half-way between Asexual and Sexual)

Gay:  Men who are only attracted emotionally and sexually to other men

Heteroflexible:  attracted to same gender sexually, but not emotionally – usually situational or “in the moment”

Heterosexual:  attracted to the opposite gender emotionally and sexually

Homosexual:  attracted to the same gender emotionally and sexually

Lesbian:  Women who are only emotionally and sexually attracted to other women, only

Pansexual:  attracted to any gender

Queer:  Catch-all to indicate anything other than “non-heterosexual”, can also apply to interest in Kink/BDSM or ECNM Lifestyles

Questioning:  Unsure of and/or exploring their attraction to any gender and their gender identity

Check Your Box: Relationship Orientation

Monogamous:  two people, exclusive romantically/emotionally and sexually

ECNM:  Ethical and Consensual Non-Monogamy – includes the following:

Open Relationship: two people exclusive romantically/emotionally, open to sexual exploration either together or separately

Swinging: two people exclusive romantically/emotionally, connect with friends and others in the “community” sexually; recreational sex; may attend parties, clubs or vacations with other swingers

Polyamory: engaging in romantic/emotional relationships with more than one other person. May or may not include a sexual relationship.

Friends with Benefits: a non-romantic, sexual friendship

Check Your Box: Other Identifiers

Intersex: a physical condition whereupon a person’s genitals “don’t seem to fit the typical definitions of female or male.

Ethical Slut:  a person who has sexual encounters with multiple people either one time, occasionally or regularly.  Is upfront with people about their sexual behavior, STI testing and practices safer sex.

Allies:  people who do not identify within the “queer community” yet support the community to ensure it thrives.

2S:  Two-Spirit, a tradition in many Native American cultures which considers some people to have both male and female spirits

Who Am I and Who Are You?

Curious how to check your box?  Here is how I check mine.  Gender Orientation is cis-female.  Sexual Orientation is bisexual and Relationship Orientation is ECNM.  Incidentally, I choose not to limit my ECNM Orientation to just one of the areas listed. As a matter of fact, I embrace them ALL! 

Are you living your True Authentic Identity?

If you identify in a way which is not listed here, please share, so you can be celebrated and connected with in the way which feels best.

On the other hand,  perhaps you are questioning or not feeling like you are living your true authentic life.  I hope these definitions help you look deep inside yourself.  As a result, you discover who you really are.  And you determine the kind of person/s you desire to share your life with and what kind of relationship you choose to create.

Are YOU Ready to Come Out of the Box?

I live my Alternative Lifestyles openly and proudly.  This isn’t always easy.  Yet I made an intentional and deliberate decision to live Authentically.  I stand by my decision.

Living your Alternative Lifestyle openly may not be a viable choice for you at this time.  It wasn’t too long ago all LGBTQ+ people lived in the closet.   Still, for many it is where you live your Alternative Life.  Meanwhile, the main aspect to focus on is becoming grounded and connected with your Authentic Self.  This takes getting Unstuck and Moving Forward in creating a new mindset.

Ultimately, you become secure in who you are, you come out of closet.  You fully embrace your Authentic Self, which dramatically increases your Abundance, Liberation and Freedom.

Society continues to open up, and young people authentically embrace diversity.  And let me tell you from my experience with the “centennial generation” (or Gen Z), things are changing radically over the next 30-50 years. 

That is within my lifespan!  Presumably yours as well.

Focus on the day when you can check your box with full acceptance and be embraced for who you Authentically are!  In the meantime, keep creating your Alternative Lifestyle to the best of your abilities and ENJOY every moment of it.

 

BARDS is a division of ECNM Lifestyles Association.

 

I Want You So Bad it Hurts!  Shifting the Pain of Desire to the Joy of Desire

I Want You So Bad it Hurts!  Shifting the Pain of Desire to the Joy of Desire

Do you have a strong desire for someone?  A particular someone? 

Has your desire for this specific person or relationship turned from Joy and Excitement, to Pain and Suffering? 

Should your desires HURT? 

Do you really want this specific someone SO BAD it HURTS?

There seems to be a MYTH in Society which says your desires are hard to get.  That it takes lots of hard work, pain and suffering acquire them, hold on to them, and ultimately suffer the most when they go away.

Many women have learned to live with this “Pain of Desire”.  Whether you desire is to have a fling with a lover or a long term relationship.  There is pain in finding your object of desire. 

But it doesn’t have to be that way!

Pain Whispers at First

Relationships and connections with other human beings is a “need” of our human experience.  However, when we start to control this need by fixating on a specific person, or scenario, it can lead us down the road to pain.

For instance, if there is someone you are attracted to, and you are finding it difficult to connect with this person, your desire for them grows.  They are “hard to get” (remember our desires are difficult to achieve) so you want them more.  Yet it is not happening. 

Pretty soon, you are feeling the first inklings of the pain of your desire.

You’re Authentic Self whispers the desire to you through seeing happy couples at the mall, or your best friend announces she is getting married.  Another friend just started dating someone.  There are indications around you about your desire.  Yet you are not enjoying the experience yourself.

There is a small pang of pain in your heart, or your gut.  That fleeting physical feeling of desire unmet.  It is the absence of the desire which you are focused on. 

Your attachment to your desire grows.  You want it more, but not in a positive way. 

The Shift from Joy to Pain

Desires start out with the feeling of Joy.  You are excited and passionate.  You wake up with it on your mind, you begin to eat, sleep and breathe it.  It may become all-consuming and you are on cloud 9 for a time. 

Then something begins to happen.

The longer it takes for your desire to come to you, the less your joy becomes.  You begin to lose that feeling of exhilaration, elation and excitement. 

Your energy shifts from the joy of having it, to the pain of not having it.

Or you get the object of your desire, but soon it starts down a path which doesn’t match your hopes and dreams.

Once your energy shifts to feelings of not having what you desire, then you begin to doubt the desire, doubt the Universe, and most of all, doubt yourself.

Feelings of unworthiness creep in.  You begin to think maybe this desire is just “too much” for you to have.  It’s too big, too wonderful, and too awesome for the likes of you.  Or you don’t deserve to have everything you want.

The more you feel this doubt and unworthiness, the more you hold yourself apart from the desire.  However, you have now developed a strong attachment to this desire.  (Because again, it is hard to get)

You create a tug of war between wanting the desire greatly and feeling unworthy of having it.

Is it a Desire or a “Need”?

So now you are in the middle of this struggle.  Your desire is so strong, so deep and you want it so badly.  Yet you feel you can’t have it, shouldn’t have it, don’t deserve it, and it seems you will never have it.

Are you so attached to the desire it has become a “need”?

When you need something, it is an obligation.  A “have to”.   I have a “need” to eat every day.  If I don’t, eventually I will starve to death.  So, I eat.  I don’t want to die.

A true desire is a “want to”.  It is a CHOICE, not a REQUIREMENT.

Therefore, I can choose to see my desires as obligations – something I must have and can’t live without.  Or I can choose to see them as true desires, something I want, but don’t require to have for a happy healthy life.

While needs are not inherently negative, when you create a strong attachment to something or need it to be a certain way, then it can develop into something painful.

Attachment Creates Neediness

The amount of pain you feel is related to the level of attachment you feel towards your desire.  The greater the neediness, the greater the pain will you feel.

Will you choose to stay attached to the desire and make it a “have to”, something you can’t live without?

For example, I have an emotional need for a nesting partner, someone I share my life and grow old with.  As I am nearing 50, this need is becoming stronger.  My DESIRE, is for this person to be my current partner.

I used to be attached to the idea that this person HAD to be my current partner.  Two years ago I struggled greatly because I shifted the dynamics of our relationship.  I did this because the trajectory of our relationship and how it connected with his other partner no longer worked for me.

From my perspective, the relationship was heading down a road which created a NEED, rather than a DESIRE.

Yet, I couldn’t articulate this at the time.  I only knew the initial joy and excitement I once felt, was shifting.  My desire was turning into pain.

Deciding to Let Go

We struggled with this new trajectory.  We tried to talk things out.  We read books.  We talked some more.  It seemed we were both stuck in a place of pain, and couldn’t move out of it.  Our lives are very busy, and it was taking an enormous amount of time, effort, energy and focus to deal with this issue.  It was also quickly sucking the rest of the joy out of our relationship.  We each clung tightly to the attachments we had about what we wanted the relationship to be.  And they didn’t seem to agree.

So we did the only thing left to do.  We let go. 

Not of the relationship, nor our love.  We let go of the struggle to control our attachments to the relationship.  The decision was to put the issue “up on the shelf”, and come back to it at a later time. 

We refocused our time, effort, energy and love back into one another, and started to rebuild the joy and passion which brought us together in the first place.

It was in the process of letting go, which allowed our desire to re-emerge as a “want to”.

For us, the act of letting go, actually brought us closer together.

The Shift from Pain to Joy

It can be a scary thing to let go.  You are allowing things to be what they are, instead of “man-handling” people or situations to be what you think they should be, or even what you think you want them to be.

One of my favorite quotes is by Joseph Campbell:  “We must be willing to let go of the life we planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us”.

As you let go of your attachments, you begin to feel a sense of relief.  It feels like an enormous weight is lifted from your shoulders.  You start to feel free. 

The Pain of Desire diminishes.

The Joy of Desire grows.

Letting go is Trusting…

Trusting the Universe to open up the JOY of your DESIRES. 

 

To learn more about attachment, check out The Five Levels of Attachment by Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr.  BARDS will be doing a book study of this small but impactful book some time in the near future.

Find out more about Bad Ass Red Dress Society here

 

No Pain, No Gain? How to Soften the Blow of Painful Situations

No Pain, No Gain

You’ve heard the phrase, No Pain, No Gain.  And while what you call “pain” is a part of your human experience, how much it “hurts” and how you decide to use the pain is determined by your mindset.

Haven’t you seen people who have gone through extraordinary circumstances of physical or mental pain and not just survived, but thrived?  There are lots of stories and movies about such feats of “super humanness”.

What it comes down to, is mindset.  No Pain No Gain can be seen as a positive.

It’s about making a choice.  A choice to know they would experience pain.  They embraced the pain knowing it would lead them to something desired.

Experiencing pain is a way for your Authentic Self to help you determine what it is you DESIRE to have in your life.  Sometimes the way you choose what you want, is by knowing what you don’t want. 

Most people don’t want to experience pain, yet it helps you sort through your life as you Create Your Authentic Journey.

Mind Over Matter

This is another well used phrase which many people say, but really don’t know how to put into practice.  Your mind is truly incredible. You can create amazing things, climb mountains and soar to great heights with your mind-power.

However, many women have not been taught how to maximize their mind.  You were taught to “go along with what comes along”, rather than to create your own life.

Harnessing the power of your mind takes practice, just like any new task you learn. 

The three major components to become aware of are your thoughts, your emotions, and your words.  These three things make up your internal guidance system.  

When you understand how they work together, they can take you places you only dreamed of.  They can even change the way you think, feel and speak about Pain.

Thoughts Can Be Trained

Thoughts are the first part of your guidance system.

You have been trained to think about pain as something to fear, to avoid or to be angry about.  

How many movies, songs, books, and real life people talk about pain as a BAD THING?

When dealing with something painful, like a break up, you perceive the situation as “negative” and therefore experience PAIN… A lot of pain.  This is your guidance system saying you are “out of harmony” with your Authentic Self.

But what if you shifted your thinking to see the GOOD which comes out of the situation?  Your guidance system wants you to feel good.  The phrase is: No Pain, No Gain.

Some athletes are taught to EXPECT PAIN in their training and performance.  For those who are taught to expect pain, they are ready for when it comes.  They work through it and are able to keep their performance level high.

In contrast, athletes who are not taught to expect and work through pain are caught off guard when it comes.  They struggle to deal with the pain.  This impacts their performance by either slowing them down or causing them to stop altogether.

Training your mind to think positively about pain will benefit you most if you can do it BEFORE you are in the throes of PAIN.  But even if you are in the middle of a painful situation, you can begin to shift your thoughts to become more positive.

Emotions Follow Your Thoughts

Sometimes it feels as if your thoughts and your emotions are simultaneous.  As a matter of fact, they are so closely linked together they feel almost as one occurrence.  

When you think something negative, your emotions are right there to boost that thought into high gear with feelings which manifest both in your mind and your body. 

Women in particular are taught that your emotions are the responsibility of someone else.  How often do you say, “He makes me feel happy” or “She makes me so mad”.   You praise or blame others for how you feel.

By doing this, you give others the power to dictate how you feel.  You give up your ability to manage your feelings, and therefore lose part of your guidance system. 

In addition, when feeling pain from a negative thought perspective, you focus outside yourself.   As a result, this disconnects you from your Authentic Self.

It took me a long time to realize this.  Once I did, I deeply sensed my power and responsibility to take care of myself.  The word “Responsible” means you are “Response-Able”.  You can choose your response. 

Consequently, I stopped blaming others for my feelings which freed me from needing outside validation and acceptance.  Furthermore, I freed others from the burden of defining and molding me for their purposes.

Once I took responsibility for my pain, I could make the choice for how I managed it.  I was able to let go of my pain and no longer blame others for how I experienced it.

Words Speak Volumes

How you speak about something is the outward expression of your thoughts and your feelings. 

Yet, sometimes our words have become so ingrained to our experience, we continue to speak them, even as our thoughts and emotions are changing.

For this reason, as you are making your mind shifts to viewing pain as something positive, you may still hear yourself making negative comments about something painful.

Part of your Journey is to become aware of your words.  Once you become aware, then you can begin to shift.

I find myself re-phrasing things all the time.  Speaking in the “negative” has become the norm in society.

Many of my friends speak in the “negative” about what they don’t want, or how someone hurt them.  They complain about a great many things which are out of their control.

Arguably, your words are very powerful.  Thoughts and Emotions gather momentum within you and your words transmit these out into the world. 

Words keep you stuck in the negative loop with pain as you continue to recount the situation which “caused” the pain.  Talking about it over and over cements the pain into your experience.

Is this what you really want?  Does it feel good to say these words?  Are you tired of feeling bad?

Make a Decision

Your thoughts, emotions and words are yours, and yours alone.

The power is within YOU.  Take responsibility for yourself, and NO ONE ELSE.

Own your pain.  Decide how it will benefit you.  What will you learn from it?  How will you do things differently next time? 

Embrace Pain as a part of your life experience.  Know it will come.  Be prepared to work through it. 

Love it.  Yes, love your pain.  Accept it as a friend.  A friend who is not afraid to be real with you. 

The phrase No Pain, No Gain mean you get to choose both how you experience the pain, and what you gain from it.

Ultimately, you have a choice.

You ALWAYS have a choice.

To learn more about ways you can grow and develop with BARDS, click here to view our services

What is an Alternative Lifestyle, How Do I Know If I Have One and Don’t You Get Jealous?

What is an Alternative Lifestyle, How Do I Know If I Have One and Don’t You Get Jealous?

 

These are three of the biggest questions women ask me when they hear terms like Polyamory, Swinging or Open Relationship.  

Defining an Alternative Lifestyle can be a little tricky as people use Labels to suit their own needs most of the time.  

Please feel free to comment or share your thoughts about how you define an Alternative Lifestyle, or if you have questions about Open Relationships, Swinging or anything else outside the “Heterosexual Monogamous” norms of society in our Ask Kat section.

What is an Alternative Lifestyle?

BARDSociety defines Alternative Lifestyle as one which is not currently accepted or recognized by Mainstream Society.

These mainly fall under the category of ECNM – Ethical and Consensual Non Monogamous Lifestyles.  ECNM includes Polyamory, Open Relationships, Swinging, Friends with Benefits, and Sexually Liberated Women. (Sluts will be another topic soon).

According to a recent study, 21% of couples in the United States either occasionally or regularly participate in a Non-monogamous Lifestyle.  That’s 1 in 5 couples.

Some couples and singles connect either with just one form of Non-Monogamy, or sometimes they embrace all forms of Non-monogamy.

Now, unfortunately, CHEATING is also a form of Non-Monogamy, but it is not Ethical or Consensual. 

What separates these Lifestyle Choices from Cheating, is openness, honesty and respect in communication, Self-Awareness and honoring other people’s agency (the ability to choose for themselves).

How Do I Know If I Have One?

According to the Urban Dictionary, Monogamy is: The custom or condition of having only one mate in an intimate relationship, of being dedicated to a single partner.

If you identified with any of the above descriptions, or you have thoughts about or are curious about learning more about these lifestyles… then you Have or are Exploring an Alternative Lifestyle.

For instance, you and your partner have sex with other people as a couple.  These are people you get together with and have “recreational sex” with.  You might see each other occasionally or regularly.  

This is called Swinging, Wife Swapping, or having an Open Relationship.  These activities are of a physical nature only.  At the end of the day, you and your partner go home together, just the two of you.

Many people who Swing, consider themselves “Monogamous”.   They think Monogamy is about emotions.  And they are only connected with one person Emotionally and Romantically. 

However, if you are not exclusive with your one mate “intimately” (which is defined both emotionally and sexually) then you are Non Monogamous.

On the other hand, Polyamory is an agreement to have other people as part your “intimate world”.  This includes dating or partnering individually or together with the same person.  Poly meaning Many, Amory meaning Love = Many Loves.

There are countless ways to “configure” a Polyamorous relationship.  The idea I could create relationships which worked for me drew me to Polyamory.

Don’t You Get Jealous?

“I am curious about Alternative Lifestyles… It’s hard to imagine how they work.  Don’t people get Jealous?”

Interestingly, this is the first thing people ask about when the topic of having multiple partners is broached.

First, jealousy is a natural human emotion.  We all feel it to some degree or another. 

Next, how you deal with jealousy has to do with your perspective, your self-awareness and feelings of self-worth.

Jealousy is not about someone else.  It is about YOU

When someone “triggers” your jealousy, they activate your insecurities, feelings of unworthiness, and fears of losing someone you love.

A key component to a successful “Alternative Lifestyle” is learning how to recognize and work through jealousy.  

As a result, your life will increase in Abundance, Liberation and Freedom.

How Do I Take the Next step?

Seek out information, read books and connect with people who are living Alternative Lifestyles.  Finding community helps you to grow.  Whether you currently live the Lifestyle or beginning your exploration, Bad Ass Red Dress Society is here to walk your Journey with you.

Click here to join our Email List, and receive more blogs and information.  You receive updates about new products and services Bad Ass Red Dress Society is creating for you. 

For subscribing you will receive our FREE e-Book: 5 Tips to Thriving in a Mainstream World WITHOUT Losing Your Authentic Self.  You also get some great offers on membership and products.

We look forward to connecting with you.

green eggs

Would You Try Green Eggs and Ham Outside the Box? Exploring Alternative Lifestyles

Try Green Eggs and Ham outside the box… You just might like them.

In his brilliant book, Green Eggs and Ham, Dr. Seuss helps children explore the idea of trying something new.  The character Sam promotes a very strange and foreign food to his friend. 

He connects it with something familiar to encourage the sampling.

Sam is very persistent, and continues to encourage his friend to “Try it, try it, you will see…”

Many times in life you are presented with new things.  It could be food, clothing or hair styles, products, or ideas.

If these things are presented “too far outside the box” then you will most likely reject it, without sampling or trying it first. 

Music is like this for me.  When the band Cake came on the scene with their song “The Distance” back in the late 90’s…I hated it.  (For my younger followers who may not be familiar with this band I encourage you to check them out… and give them a try, won’t you?)

Strangely enough, the more I listened, the more it grew on me.  Cake soon became one of my favorite groups.

Perhaps the idea of an Open Relationship is like that for you.  It’s something you’ve heard about, and you might even know someone who is “into that”. 

But you think it’s not for you… even though you haven’t really explored even the idea of it.

You reject it because it seems so far outside your “box” or your comfort zone.  Yet outside the box is where the Magic happens.

How often do you think about a decision to live a Magical Life?  To live a life where you can BE, DO and HAVE everything you desire?

Oh, wait… that’s being selfish.  How does that saying go…You can’t have your cake and eat it too? 

Well, why the hell not?!?  If I have cake then I want to eat it! (or listen to it at least).

Society Says You Live a Life of EITHER/OR Instead of BOTH/AND.

Society was to live a confined life inside the box of accepted norms and expectations.  Here you are safe.  You don’t experience discomfort from growing, learning or embracing the NEW.  This is especially true when it comes to romantic relationships.

You can have Either this person to love, or that person…but you can’t have both. 

The Princess must choose between Prince Charming and the Blacksmith.  Both are good men.  However, they offer her different things.  Society says she must choose.  WHY?

On the other hand, a Bi-Princess meets Prince Charming and Lady Beautiful at the same time…and must choose.  Again, WHY?

When you decide you want to grow in new ways, explore a new idea, or experience something radical for the first time, you will feel both exhilaration and terrified.

Your Heart will be crying out YES while your Brain is shouting NO.  You will feel torn in two.  Stay Small (where your greatest momentum is) or Grow Big (your desires for expansion).

When faced with shifting your paradigm from EITHER/OR to BOTH/AND, it takes time and energy to see the world in a new way. It is uncomfortable at best and downright scary at worst.

Exploring the idea of an Open Relationship or Polyamory will definitely take you out of your comfort zone. 

Decide to Embrace the Magic and try the Green Eggs and Ham

Universal Law of Attraction plays a part in your life.  What you give your attention to grows bigger, stronger and you receive more of it. 

Therefore, when you focus on living your life following Society’s rules and expectations, your Society-based life grows bigger and fixed in that model.

However, if you find this model doesn’t feel right, you begin to feel the strain in your Inner Soul.  Your Authentic Self wants to expand, to grow beyond the box you placed her in. 

You become dissatisfied, yet feel stuck and obligated to continue the path you started.  This was the life I had… until I opened myself to the Magic.

It is this obligation and stuck feeling which pushes the Magic away.  It takes persistence and decisiveness to shift.  By making a decision, you take all other options off the table. 

Making the decision to be my true and Authentic Self has been life-altering .  I am a trailblazer.  My calling is to be open, out, and vocal about Alternative Lifestyles.  It is my passion.  It is WHO I AM.

Perhaps you are not yet at this level.  However, you can make a decision to be or become open minded.

Learn about various lifestyles and understand how they work.  Meet others who are living different lifestyles to hear their stories, ask questions and connect with them.

Are you ready to embrace the Magic of your Authentic Journey?

Get started by clicking here to watch my 7 Day Challenge Getting Unstuck and Moving Forward

Try the Green Eggs and Ham.  You might just like it.

 

Are You Scared Of The Dreaded V Word? (Vulnerable, not Vagina)

Are you scared of being Vulnerable?

No, the Dreaded V Word is not VAGINA (which IMHO is a pretty awful word… so clinical and cold… not at all representative of a woman’s Powerful Pussy… but that’s another blog)

I mean VULNERABLE.

People talk a lot about being vulnerable, but very few actually do it. 

Mostly it is talked about in the context of relationships – talking openly and honestly with someone else.

It takes strong confidence and communication skills to not be scared about being vulnerable.  Women tend to have better communication skills, but are not taught skills in self-confidence … and most men have confidence, but don’t have communication skills.  This makes for some messy encounters, especially when it comes to sensitive subjects.

As a woman, you were shut down from an early age; implicitly and explicitly taught not to have confidence, and not to speak up about issues of sex, money, or emotions.

You bury these things deep inside you so you don’t have to face them, either with yourself or with someone else.

So how can you possibly open up and be vulnerable with someone else, if you can’t be open and honest within your own Inner Soul?

Are you even aware you have a relationship with yourself? 

Do you deeply and passionately love yourself? 

Do you honestly think about yourself when you make decisions or choices, or do you constantly put others first?

Have you neglected the most important relationship of all…the one with yourself? 

Embrace being Vulnerable!

When I was young, I was open and embracing of my sexual self.  I was a slut, I enjoyed sex, and was on a pathway of exploring a whole world of fun, kinky, open-minded individuals and possibilities.  Then I met my now Ex-husband. 

I “fell in love” and thus began my slow, then rapid decline into monogamy, abuse and depression.  I thought that I couldn’t be that free-spirited young girl anymore, and had to “settle” for a “traditional” life.

By hiding my vulnerability, and with no confidence to stand up for who I really was, I fell into a life which was less than Authentic. 

Through my experience of my marriage, I now have clarity on who I really am, what kind of life I desire, and I have confidence and communication skills to be vulnerable in sharing my true Authentic Self.

I spent 25 years of my life living an In-Authentic life, a life I thought I was “supposed” to live, and was miserable for it.  I now have appreciation for that part of my life.  It was my journey to experience this.

Are you ready to make your shift?  Need some help?

 Watch my 7 Day Challenge Getting Unstuck and Moving Forward 

Start building a vulnerable relationship with yourself…right now!

Are you willing to lower your own defenses to look deep into your Inner Soul, and be delighted by who you find, even if it feels a little scary?

Can you embrace the beautifully kinky, sexual, explorative, curious and open-minded woman who resides inside you?

Will you allow her to come out, and begin to take steps forward towards blending her into your existing life?

When you are vulnerable with yourself, you open up to new possibilities, creativity and innovative thoughts. 

It is your Authentic Self who possesses all of these qualities, and many more.  She is full of amazing power.  You just need to tap into Her.

Turning inward, and focusing on yourself is the first step in creating the Authentic You, and moving you forward on your Journey towards designing a life of Abundance Liberation and Freedom.

There is no growth in staying tied to your comfort zone.  The Magic happens when you open the door and step out into the unknown. 

Picture the scene in The Wizard of Oz when the house lands in Oz, and Dorothy opens the door to a world of Technicolor…Magic!

I know being VULNERABLE IS SCARY… Bad Ass Red Dress Society is a SAFE place for you.

If you live in Ventura County California, you are invited to join Bad Ass Red Dress Ventura County Meetup.  

Click Here for more information.

Take the first step… if you don’t, you will continue to live your life on your current path… The choice is yours. 

I am here to walk your Journey with you… to create the Technicolor Life of your Dreams. 

Let’s walk together.  You are in Good Company.