Shift Gears: Create a NEW NORMAL in Non-Monogamy
Is Your Life Created by Default Living?
When you shift gears, you make a change in your life to move in a new direction. Our culture and society is so deeply ingrained with Monogamy, it is the “default life” most women live. Sadly, a majority of women don’t know they have a CHOICE in their relationship configuration. Monogamy is woven into every aspect of our lives. It’s in our music, TV shows, ads, movies, and especially religion.
First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage?
Marriage was created as a legal contract to prove which child was a legal heir to property and taxes. It was NOT about love. For many men, they also has mistresses, because it was accepted that men were allowed to be non-monogamous, and women were still considered property.
As time passed, marriage became synonymous with romance, love and having your “one and only”. Marriage vows included such phrases as “forsaking all others” and “for as long as we BOTH shall live”. Damn… that means after you die, I can’t remarry… or have sex with anyone else EVER! Some churches go a step better and say “Until death us do part”, so that releases me to marry again if you die.
However, this creates an obligation to restrict your attention, emotions and sexual connections to only one person. Obligation limits and restricts your ability to fully explore yourself, your sexuality, and your emotions.
As a result, many women (like myself) went down the road of Monogamy and Marriage out of default, yet deep inside we are not meant to restrict ourselves to only one person romantically or sexually. You are stuck in Neutral, and just idling along.
Nature vs. Nurture
I firmly believe, as do many others, that human beings are NOT meant to be Monogamous. If you want to learn more about this, a great book to start with is Sex At Dawn by Christopher Ryan.
Our nature is to engage with and enjoy a variety of lovers and sexual partners. This not only increases our gene pool, it allows us to expand ourselves within multiple relationships. Our bodies are made to experience a high degree of sexual pleasure, as well as to procreate.
Non-monogamy provides opportunities to create a life which increases our abundance, liberation and freedom in our emotional and sexual relationships, rather than stagnate in obligation, limitations and restrictions. However, so many women find themselves denying their Nature.
Emotional Death by Default
When women live a life of obligation, limitation and restriction, they slowly die a painful emotional death. There is a scene in Star Wars, where Luke and Han are going to be fed to the Sarlacc as punishment for betraying Jabba the Hut. C3PO explains that “In it’s belly you will find a new definition of pain and suffering while you are slowly digested over… 1000 years”. (My geek sides has now been officially sanctioned!)
As a matter of fact, that is how I felt living my life in Monogamy. It was living a painful existence of increasing pain and suffering as the years went by.
I felt isolated and alone in my pain and agony. It was as if I was slowly suffocating, and at times an agonizing death which seemed to be never ending… just perpetually dying.
During my divorce, I discovered Non-Monogamy, and a breath of new life was breathed into my being. I have spent the past four years creating a new life, a NEW NORMAL.
I Decided to Shift Gears
Life today is a far cry from what it was just a few years ago because I decided to shift gears. I am finally living life on MY TERMS, and I am the creator and designer of my experience here on earth. No longer am I choosing to live a default life handed to me by society.
I am openly bisexual and non-monogamous. I talk about this with most everyone. There are still a few people whom I do not share this part of my life with directly. However, if it were to come up in conversation, I would not shy away from it.
The relationship I am creating with my husband allows us to have other lovers, friends with benefits and even other romantic relationships. When we are out in public, we openly talk about my husband’s girlfriend and share our Non-monogamous relationship to show others there are “normal, everyday” people who live a successful and happy non-monogamous life.
Shift Gears from Default to New Normal
Making a shift from Default to a New Normal is not something to enter into lightly. Many people want to “try out” non-monogamy” and think it will be “Monogamy plus One”, or we will start by just having sex with other women.
There is so much more to making a shift from a deeply ingrained and entrenched belief system. It is a Journey which each person needs to take as an individual, as well as the “entity of the couple”.
Books and resources can help get you started, but the best thing is to connect with a community of women who are living the life, and have lived through the beginning stages of shifting, and continue to grow and thrive in creating their New Normal.
I was lucky to have found a community of people and create friendships with women who had gone before me, and showed me ways to shift. Some of it I also learned along the way, through my life experiences.
This is why I created Bad Ass Red Dress Society. BARDS is a place where women gather to create community, support each other, share important stories and lessons learned, as well as tap into information, trainings, support and guidance through webinars and coaching.
Join BARDS today, and begin your Journey towards creating your Authentic Life…Your NEW NORMAL.
Like us on Facebook at BARDSociety