Latest Blog Posts

Shift Gears: Create a NEW NORMAL in Non-Monogamy

Shift Gears:  Create a NEW NORMAL in Non-Monogamy

Is Your Life Created by Default Living?

When you shift gears, you make a change in your life to move in a new direction.  Our culture and society is so deeply ingrained with Monogamy, it is the “default life” most women live.  Sadly, a majority of women don’t know they have a CHOICE in their relationship configuration.  Monogamy is woven into every aspect of our lives.  It’s in our music, TV shows, ads, movies, and especially religion. 

First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage?

Marriage was created as a legal contract to prove which child was a legal heir to property and taxes. It was NOT about love.  For many men, they also has mistresses, because it was accepted that men were allowed to be non-monogamous, and women were still considered property.   As time passed, marriage became synonymous with romance, love and having your “one and only”.  Marriage vows included such phrases as “forsaking all others” and “for as long as we BOTH shall live”.  Damn… that means after you die, I can’t remarry… or have sex with anyone else EVER!  Some churches go a step better and say “Until death us do part”, so that releases me to marry again if you die.   However, this creates an obligation to restrict your attention, emotions and sexual connections to only one person.  Obligation limits and restricts your ability to fully explore yourself, your sexuality, and your emotions. As a result, many women (like myself) went down the road of Monogamy and Marriage out of default, yet deep inside we are not meant to restrict ourselves to only one person romantically or sexually.  You are stuck in Neutral, and just idling along. 

Nature vs. Nurture

I firmly believe, as do many others, that human beings are NOT meant to be Monogamous.  If you want to learn more about this, a great book to start with is Sex At Dawn by Christopher Ryan. Our nature is to engage with and enjoy a variety of lovers and sexual partners.  This not only increases our gene pool, it allows us to expand ourselves within multiple relationships.  Our bodies are made to experience a high degree of sexual pleasure, as well as to procreate.  Non-monogamy provides opportunities to create a life which increases our abundance, liberation and freedom in our emotional and sexual relationships, rather than stagnate in obligation, limitations and restrictions.  However, so many women find themselves denying their Nature.

Emotional Death by Default

When women live a life of obligation, limitation and restriction, they slowly die a painful emotional death.  There is a scene in Star Wars, where Luke and Han are going to be fed to the Sarlacc as punishment for betraying Jabba the Hut.  C3PO explains that "In it's belly you will find a new definition of pain and suffering while you are slowly digested over... 1000 years". (My geek sides has now been officially sanctioned!)   As a matter of fact, that is how I felt living my life in Monogamy. It was living a painful existence of increasing pain and suffering as the years went by. I felt isolated and alone in my pain and agony.  It was as if I was slowly suffocating, and at times an agonizing death which seemed to be never ending… just perpetually dying.  During my divorce, I discovered Non-Monogamy, and a breath of new life was breathed into my being.  I have spent the past four years creating a new life, a NEW NORMAL.

I Decided to Shift Gears

Life today is a far cry from what it was just a few years ago because I decided to shift gears.  I am finally living life on MY TERMS, and I am the creator and designer of my experience here on earth.  No longer am I choosing to live a default life handed to me by society. I am openly bisexual and non-monogamous.  I talk about this with most everyone.  There are still a few people whom I do not share this part of my life with directly.  However, if it were to come up in conversation, I would not shy away from it. The relationship I am creating with my husband allows us to have other lovers, friends with benefits and even other romantic relationships.  When we are out in public, we openly talk about my husband’s girlfriend and share our Non-monogamous relationship to show others there are “normal, everyday” people who live a successful and happy non-monogamous life.

Shift Gears from Default to New Normal

Making a shift from Default to a New Normal is not something to enter into lightly.  Many people want to “try out” non-monogamy” and think it will be “Monogamy plus One”, or we will start by just having sex with other women. There is so much more to making a shift from a deeply ingrained and entrenched belief system.  It is a Journey which each person needs to take as an individual, as well as the “entity of the couple”.  Books and resources can help get you started, but the best thing is to connect with a community of women who are living the life, and have lived through the beginning stages of shifting, and continue to grow and thrive in creating their New Normal. I was lucky to have found a community of people and create friendships with women who had gone before me, and showed me ways to shift.  Some of it I also learned along the way, through my life experiences. This is why I created Bad Ass Red Dress Society.  BARDS is a place where women gather to create community, support each other, share important stories and lessons learned, as well as tap into information, trainings, support and guidance through webinars and coaching. Join BARDS today, and begin your Journey towards creating your Authentic Life…Your NEW NORMAL. Like us on Facebook at BARDSociety 

Are You a Woman With a Sexy Soul?  Learn how to Embrace YOUR SEXY Authentic Self!

Are You a Woman With a Sexy Soul?

You KNOW when you see a Woman with a Sexy Soul.  She just “oozes sex”.  She is confident, walks with a purpose and a flirt, has a perpetual little grin on her face, and exudes an energy of SEXY. Recently, I was at a restaurant when in walked a woman wearing a T-shirt, jean crop pants and tennis shoes, yet she was a SEXY Soul. The way she held her body, her head high, a slight smile, the sway in her hips and loads of confidence dripping from her just screamed SEXY Soul!  Its all about the ATTITUDE, not what you wear. I’ve also had experiences where I see really beautiful women, showing off their gorgeous body, dressed to the nines, yet they are anything BUT Sexy.  Paradoxically, their attitude and energy says, I am insecure, guarded, and have low self-esteem about having a sexy soul. A sexy body, does not equate to a Sexy Soul.

A Sexy Soul Knows her Authentic Self

Sexy is an attitude, a feeling, an energy about you.  Do you feel sexy inside, or has the sexy part of you been shamed and oppressed into oblivion? Every woman has a Sexy Soul.  Unfortunately, many women has lost their sexy soul to the expectations of society and of “daily life”.  Especially if you are a mother.  Mothers are taught Not to be SEXY.  Yet it was SEX which made us mothers. As a result, you slowly lose your sexual prowess, your drive for sexual exploration, and your pussy power which is the essence of womanhood.  First, become acquainted, or re-acquainted with your Sexy Authentic Self.  That beautiful woman who is full of passion, desire, sexuality, and drive.   Develop your relationship with Your Sexy Authentic Self and really begin to KNOW who you are.   Connect with your Authentic Self to Create new pathways, which help you Thrive in your life. 

A Sexy Soul Loves her Authentic Self

Once you begin to know your Authentic Self, fall in love with her!  Yes, have a love affair with yourself.  You are the most important person in your life.  No one else spends 24 hours a day, seven days a week, every day of your life with you.  Loving yourself means to take care of you physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and sexually.  Eat well, exercise and drink plenty of water.  Learn how your emotions are your guidance system, and how to move towards feeling better about anything and everything in your life.  Continue to grow and develop yourself.  Challenge your mind through reading books, podcasts, documentaries which help you grow, rather than to escape your daily life. Embrace the Laws of the Universe, and know we are all part of the larger energy which is the source of all things.  Above all, dive into your sexuality.  Your body was made for pleasure, as well as procreation.  In fact, the very design of your sexual epicenter was created PURELY for orgasms.  Regrettably, too many women deny themselves the deepest pleasures of their bodies because THEY THEMSELVES don’t take the time to really know how to please themselves. Loving yourself means pleasing yourself in all aspects of life.  As a result, when you love yourself sexually, you open the doors for others to love you sexually in the ways you most desire.

A Sexy Soul Accepts her Authentic Self

Once you know and love your Authentic Self, then you accept your Authentic Self for the creative, loving, passionate and sexual being you are.  In the same way you learn and apply new skills for a job, a hobby, a sport or craft, you grow in your process of developing a relationship with your Authentic Self. In addition you give less attention to what other people think of you or what they want you to do or be.  You listen to your internal guidance system to light your path for creating your OWN LIFE, on YOUR TERMS. There is nothing sexier than a woman who is living her life in the way SHE MOST DESIRES.  Deeply embrace your passions and your desires.  However, not just sexual passions and desires, but your passions and desires for all of LIFE. 

A Sexy Soul Projects her Authentic Self

In other words, this is a TOTAL Package.  Build your life intentionally around your passions, desires, and joy.  When you Know, Love and Accept your Sexy Authentic Self, you can’t help but PROJECT it out into the world.  You walk with confidence, speak with passion, and act with love and kindness which wells up from the springs of your Inner Depths.  This is not something you can “fake”.  It’s something you feel deep inside and naturally flows from you Shower yourself with passion, appreciation and joy every day.  It’s no one else’s job to do that.  Consequently, when you do this, you exude pure positive energy out into the world, and attract back to you incredible things and people which you desire and deserve. Above all, love yourself Unconditionally.  You can never get things wrong, and you will never complete all the things you set out to do in life.  You are an ever expanding being.  The more you live, the more you become.  Love who you become along the way, each STEP of the way.

BARDS Helps you Become Your Sexy Soul

Connect with us on Facebook and Join Bad Ass Red Dress Society to receive in-depth information, webinars and connections to help you Connect, Create and Thrive in your Authentic Life. BARDS serves women who are exploring their sexuality, and are living or interested in Non-Monogamous Lifestyles including swinging, polyamory, friends with benefits, ethical sluts, and more. We speak openly and honestly about sexuality, relationships, passions and desires so you can create an intentional, passion-driven, and Authentic Life. We are here to walk your Journey with you.  You are in Good Company.

BUST FEAR and Take Charge of Your Life

Are You Ready to BUST FEAR? 

Fear is just a set of thoughts you hold on to, which prevent you from moving forward in creating the life you truly desire.  Whether you want to BUST FEAR related to money, health issues, relationships, or trying new things, these belief systems are holding you back from your true Authentic Self and the greatness within. Below are three ways to help you BUST FEAR, move forward to create your Authentic Life, honor your deepest desires, and take action to make them come true.  Life is meant to be lived and loved.  If you are not fully living your Authentic Life, BARDS is here to help you shift your trajectory to INCREASE Abundance, Liberation and Freedom in your life.


I recently had a friend call me late one night… she was taking a new step in her Authentic Journey.  She needed a boost to put her fear aside so she could experience something new and wonderful.  For many years, my friend had thoughts about having an “adult play party” experience.  This is a small party where people get together to enjoy recreational sex.  This party was at a hotel, and she was calling me a few doors down from the party.  My first response was to make sure she was safe.  After determining her physical safety was in order, we started talking about the experience. “I’m so nervous, yet I really want to do this.  I drove an hour to get here.” She told me.  I asked her what was holding her back.  “It’s something I’ve never done.  What if the people are weird?  What if I don’t find anyone attractive?  I’ve put this off for 5 years.  I know I want this.  I’m just needing to face my fears and push through.”  At this point, we talked for a few minutes more about her possible exit strategy, if needed, and I gave her the boost she needed. I got a message from inside telling me it was strange but exciting… then silence.  I knew she decided to stay and allow herself to experience a new liberation and freedom she had desired for so long. Later the next day I got the report…SUCCESS!  She had a really great time and found this was something she wanted to continue doing.  Her desire was stronger than her fear.


Similarly, talking about a situation or fear from a logical point of view can help bust it wide open.  Break down what the fear actually is, then work through the chain of events if you took this action.  Once you determine the ‘consequences’, the fear becomes demystified.  Then you can put the fear aside and take steps to move forward into your desires. For example, let’s take the situation above, and follow a logical sequence of questions to BUST FEAR: Q: What are you afraid of? A:  Attending an adult play party Q: What will happen if you attend? A:  I may not have a good time.  Q:  Then what? A: I will feel awkward and possibly leave early Q:  Then what? A:  Then I will feel bad Q:  Why? A:  Because I didn’t have fun and other people saw me being awkward and nervous Q:  What happens if other people see you are nervous and awkward? A:  I feel self-conscious Q:  What happens when you feel self-conscious? A:  I don’t like myself and feel I am a bad person So through this exercise we discovered the root of her fear was feeling like a bad person if something didn’t “go right” with this new and exciting experience. Regrettably, how many times have you stopped yourself from trying something new because deep down you thought it would turn out badly and reflect on the core of who you are?  Using logic to break down a fear into the core component can help you then shift your thoughts to focus on your desire.


Presumably, you have lived enough life for you to know what you want, and know what you don’t. However, the strong momentum of Society tells you to live a life focused on what you are ‘SUPPOSED’ to do, rather than on what works for YOU. There is fear in change.  Fear in the ‘unknown’.  Fear in being ‘different’.  As a child, you wanted to “fit into the crowd”.   You didn’t want to stand out.  So you followed along with came along. Embracing you Authenticity can evoke a bit of fear itself.  Be that as it may, when you embrace and connect with your Authentic Self, she is a driving force to BUST FEAR. Your Inner Soul is the pure positive essence of who you are.  She HAS NO FEAR.  She knows what you want, and how to lead you to it.  Tapping into your Authenticity is the ultimate FEAR BUSTER.  My friends’ Authentic Self helped her get invited to the party, and led her to get in the car and drive an hour to the hotel.  Her Authenticity helped her through the door.  Finally, it helped her to engage and have an amazing experience.


Living or curious about an ECNM Lifestyle can keep you in the closet, living in fear of what other people will think, say or do.  This fear impacts all aspects of your life, whether you realize it or not. As a result, you are not living an Authentic Life. For this reason, BARDS helps you find your Authentic Self, and design an intentional life path which works for you.  You can create a "New Normal" of living the life you most desire, and increase Abundance, Liberation and Freedom by connecting, creating and thriving with BARDS. Start by checking out Kat's 7 Day Video Challenge, Getting Unstuck and Moving Forward. You are on a Journey.  We are here to walk your Journey with YOU, providing support, community, and guidance along the way.  Join us on Facebook at BARDSociety You are in Good Company.